“I think all girls want a bad boy,” said my young friend. “If you are too nice they do not find you attractive.” Could that be true?
This friend makes a lot generalities. And as the logic prof told us, “All generalities are false, including this one,” meaning that very statement about generalities.
But my friend is right . . . in some cases. Some girls are attracted to dangerous guys. Maybe the guy’s inner rebel calls to her inner rebel. The problem is that your inner rebel can lead you right off a cliff.
Why do women do it? Why do they take a chance on a guy who is dangerous to them? Maybe the woman, as a girl, was devalued by her father, and so became attracted to any guy who showed interest in her. With that in mind, how I wish that dads understood how important they are to their daughter’s safety and security.
Some writers suggest that these girls feel a sexual thrill with a bad boy. It’s like an addicting narcotic. He may not treat her nicely, but he is hot! As one woman said about her naive gal friend, “The guy pushed buttons she did not even know she had.”
Researchers also suggest that some women believe that they can “save” the bad boy. It rarely works, because bad boys won’t change as long as they get what they want. And when the good girl (with her messianic complex) disappoints him, he will use his animal magnetism to attract another woman- either one who thinks she can save him, or one who is too desperate to refuse him. Broken hearts everywhere, except in the bad boy, because the dude really does not care who he hurts. He has to get his own way.
Sadly, some guys are “over-mothered.” Their moms, in an effort to keep their boys emotionally tied to them, create young men who do not really know how to be a real man. If these guys also have a passive dad, the scene is set for the guy to become a self-centered user, and possibly abuser of women.
This article does a good job of describing the mechanics in the “good girl, bad boy” model. I am a follower of Jesus, and I am not sure if the author is, but it ‘s still a good treatment of the problem.
Psychology Today also describes the psychological profile of bad boys. In sum, they are self-centered, manipulative, and insensitive to the affects of their actions on anyone else. In other words, they might be exciting, but you cannot build a life with one. They do not love. They use.
As a young woman what can you do to avoid the bad boy trap? Start by remembering that your life is too precious to waste on a guy who does not know how to love a woman. Then, think long-term. The bad boy can be thrilling (in the same way as it’s thrilling to handle a cobra, maybe?), but this guy will hurt you. Sooner or later. With words or maybe with his fists. You will suffer.
The first question you should ask about any guy is this: “Can I trust my life to him?